I woke in the middle of the night to the sound of a goods train hurtling through the bedroom, the bed shook and I slid around on the sheets like an egg in oil, I thought it must be his lordship having a bad dream, but it wasn’t, he was sound asleep. The bed shook again and I heard the sound of the Earth beneath the house, it wailed deep below the surface as if in pain, and again the bed shook, and then the wailing stopped. I was still only half awake and turned over, pulled the sheets over my head and calmly fell back to sleep. I missed the 4am aftershock and had by the time I rose forgotten the quake. Then I saw on the news a man with a chimney in his garden and I remembered. So if you ask me what I had for my birthday I guess the truth is I had an Earthquake.